you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
