your thong is hanging out like whoa
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
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There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
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Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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