I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
