if only i could text you this smell
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
