we have pet lesbian snakes
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
