drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
