Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
