i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
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It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
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What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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