hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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