just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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