Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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