You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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