My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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