5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
