apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
