Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
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Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
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I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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