So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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