Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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