I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
