he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
