i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
