maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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