i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
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