the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
