It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
