why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
