dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My ass is underappreciated
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You left your phone here
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