you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
