Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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