Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
