i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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