Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
dude. I can hear the air.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize