Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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