Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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