Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
