maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
