I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
