Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
