if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
