I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
