I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
