Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
