Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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