if i can run in heels then i can drive
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
