Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
