dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
