I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
false alarm, still single
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
