She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
