Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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