this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize