Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My dad is sitting where you rode me
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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