When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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