whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Help. Why am I so naked?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
