We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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