lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
