All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
