I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
