I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
