I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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