everyone is single if you try hard enough
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
