I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
