I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
