And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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