she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
