toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm drive I can fine osifer
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
