When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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