We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
