Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
