Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
