shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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