If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
How naked do you want me to be?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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